About synastry...

“What signs am I more compatible with?” “Is this a good relationship?” “What do I have to do so that a Scorpio/Sagittarius/Capricorn will be mine?” are a few of the most common questions during an astrological counseling. Finally, the most desperate question of all: “Is there a future in this relationship?” Now that you’ve posed these questions, throw them away to the nearest waste-paper basket, where they belong.

Who’s this “I” that’s posing the questions above? Does this “I” remain constantly the same? Do we not change as time passes? Yes, we do. Therefore, we can’t be certain that what we say we want at a particular time is what we truly want or is best for us on a deeper level. It seems that we are called at some time or other in our lives to adopt a “thy will be done” attitude. This doesn’t mean that there is a higher entity which imposes its’ will on us, but instead that we need to make a conscious choice to allow God, the Higher Self, the universe or whatever you want to call it, to determine what happens to us to a certain extent. Because, whether we like it or not, there are a lot of things that we are completely unaware of.

What do we really want? Damned if we knew. We are hiding behind beautiful words like love, affection and tenderness in order to keep the truth from rearing its’ ugly head. The truth that we are spoilt children yearning for that kind of maternal love whose sole purpose is to satisfy our every whim. The truth that we are looking for someone who will justify our behaviour and allow us to remain stagnant. That’s why we are looking for compatible personalities, so that we don’t take the time to re-examine our behaviour.

In astrology there are twelve zodiac signs which stand for twelve energy patterns, twelve different mentalities, twelve different modes of behaviour, twelve different kinds of love and so on. There is no sign better than the others or a sign more appropriate and useful. The “whole” person, in the sense of imago dei, the person before the fall can easily mix those energies and live comfortably within this apparent conflict. It’s the “original sin” which has “condemned” us to a life of separateness which entails a limited world view. By only seeking compatibility, we are doing nothing less than restricting ourselves within the walls of our own private ghetto and projecting our behaviour as the only right one. What we are truly seeking therefore, is accessories to our crime.

Of course, in the beginning it is only natural that we act in this way. We can’t at first realize the value of conflict, so it seems logical to us to pursue relationships based on harmony and longevity. A fire sign feels more at ease with the other two signs of this element and there is also an affinity with the air signs. The same goes with the earth and water signs. Naturally, it is practically impossible to find two charts 100% compatible, but you can find two charts that allow the energy to flow freely with only a minimum of friction. However, if we constantly avoid challenge, it will creep up on us the moment we least expect it to. Harmony may very well be pleasant, but can block our path to knowledge and maturity.

Let’s take an example of astrological conflict. Let’s say we have two people, one with Mercury in Virgo and another with Mercury in Sagittarius. The Mercury in Virgo person will seek useful knowledge, precision, clarity and show an immense dislike to vagueness. The Mercury in Sagittarius person will show a tendency to intuitive knowledge, will have “visions”, the mind will search the meaning behind the facts and will be able to grasp theories without being interested in whether they are applicable or not. It is fairly obvious that there will be a lack of understanding between these two people. Mercury in Sagittarius will oppose the mathematical reasoning of the other person and Mercury in Virgo will accuse the other person of living in the clouds. Who is right and whose is wrong here? Both. In a relationship, the Virgo person may come to realize that obsession with practical knowledge can stifle inspiration and the Sagittarius person that what you grasp intuitively needs to be articulated and externalized, otherwise it’s useless.

Let’s take another example of two different ascendants, Pisces and Aries, and let’s make things easier by putting the ascendant rulers, Neptune and Mars, in the first house, even though there is no living person with Neptune in Pisces. The Aries individual will try to affirm their personality and satisfy their desires, often ignoring the needs of others. The Pisces one will be much more compromising or adaptable, sometimes defeatist even and will hesitate to express their individuality for fear of alienating other people. In a relationship, these two different approaches will cause problems. The Aries person will blame the other one for weakness and lack of courage and the Pisces person will blame the other one for selfishness and callousness. However, if the two people stick to the relationship, the Pisces individual may realize that there are times when expressing what you think or feel is more honest and kind and the Aries individual that acting like a bully will get you nowhere.

What does all this mean? That synastry is useless? Far from it. However, in my opinion, we should use it after the formation of a relationship and not before. We are not in a position to judge whether some relationships are “good” or not and we shouldn’t play God by deciding which relationships are useful for our soul purpose. Otherwise, we will end up creating a tight circle of people around us based on the compatibility of our personal planets, not allowing room for change. But after the relationship has formed, which means that the two people in question feel the need to be with one another, synastry can prove to be an invaluable tool, because it can shed light to problematic aspects of the relationship and it can explain to us how our personal behaviour is responsible for them. And through synastry, that is astrology, we will acquire a better understanding of our significant others and of human nature in general. Vive la différence!